Halloween: The Gayest Holiday of them All

If my neighborhood (known as "Boystown" here in Chicago) is any reliable gauge, Halloween is probably the most beloved holiday of the year among gay men. From the obvious reasons (men can wear makeup, wigs, and dresses in public without scandal) to the symbolic/dramatic reasons (said in best soap opera dialogue tone: "after tomorrow, all these people will take off their masks, but I will be forced to wear the mask that hides who I truly am yet another day") to the shallow reasons (said in Beavis/Butthead voice: "Heh-heh. He said trick or treat. Heh-heh"), Halloween simply grabs hold of our inner fairy and gives us a day in which we can express it as flamboyantly as we desire.

One of my favorite events of the year happens tonight, and that is Chicago's annual Halloween parade. Although the parade is a public event not limited to the gay community, the fact that it takes place on the Halsted strip in front of the gay bars and bathhouse obviously contributes to a certain tone among many of the entries. The parade starts with the families and children, who are then quickly rushed off to bed before they can be exposed to the guy in the giant 12-foot walking penis costume. It is always fun to see the creativity of some of the folks who attend, from the humorous to the political to the crass and repulsive.

So, as a public service to any of you who may be looking for last-minute ideas for your Halloween costume, today I will offer several suggestions for you (with shameless silly humor that fits my jovial mood as I am finally beginning to feel healthy after several days of sickness).

Last-minute Halloween Costume Guide

You could go with an easy traditional costume, such as....

Doctor (drop your pants, please)


...or beach bum (let me wax up and I'll give you a ride)


...or sports jock (wanna play ball?)


...or aristocratic gentleman (oops, dropped one of my gold coins, excuse me as I bend over and pick it up)



Or, perhaps more creative, like....

A young artist (will you help me wash this off?)


...a sports referee (that's 30 minutes in my personal private penalty box, mister)


...a politically-incorrect team mascot (and so was the stuff we did after the game)


...a bad angel (Halo? nope, but I have a cock ring)


...Superman (I'll show you the super powers they didn't mention in the comic books)


....lifeguard (yes, extensive CPR will be required)


....cowboy (this one's way too easy)


...soldier (are you standing at attention or are you just happy to see me?)


...policeman (you like my handcuffs? I have 3 more sets.)


...or Santa Claus (I only have gifts for the naughty boys!)


Have a fun & safe Halloween!

-Michael