Ok, just a quick random rant. Please carefully note the distinction between the two following scenarios:
Scenario A: In high school or college, the young handsome guy surreptitiously checks out his classmates as they change and shower in the locker room after a football game.
EVALUATION: HOT
Scenario B: A 60-something overweight guy buys a gym membership for no other reason than to sit in the sauna for five minutes and then stand in the shower room staring at those of us who are there actually attempting to benefit our health and physique, NOT pose as eye candy.
EVALUATION: SCARY
Well, at the risk of encouraging such voyeuristic tendencies, here's some pictures that make me at least somewhat sympathetic to the nasty old guy in the shower. I mean, if I was in the locker room with these guys myself....
[Update 1/31: See comments section for some helpful clarification and discussion on this post]
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Locker Room (à poil)
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13 comments:
SCENARIO C: A young, vain, fit man lacking in compassion and a sense of humour later in the course of time becomes an old, overweight man and wonders why people have to be so rude to him in the sauna.
You remember that "sexual racism sux" site you posted about the other day? Did you realise that they also advocate against prejudice based on age and bodytype?
Anonymous,
Wow, you say I am the one lacking a sense of humor? Apparently, my light-hearted approach to the post was lost to you entirely. But allow me to clarify why your comments are entirely off base.
First, I do not discriminate on the basis of age or body type. In fact, each of the guys that I have had a serious relationship with has been older than I. I find older men to be quite attractive. And I have dated guys who ranged from skinny to muscular to chubby, so I do believe what I promote on this site.
The problem I had with the guy in the shower room was not that he was old or overweight, but rather that he was there for obviously-sexual purposes, rather than for the stated purpose of the facility (this is not a gay gym/sauna, just a regular athletic club). I know he was there for the wrong reason because he was stroking his hard cock and staring at me directly while I was showering. And because I have seen him at the gym on many occasions, but never outside of the locker room or adjacent sauna room.
In my pseudo-fictional settings, the guy in scenario A is in the locker room changing as part of the normal routine of athletic activity and simply benefits from his circumstances. The guy in scenario B, however, has gone into the locker room for the express purpose of self-gratification without concern whatsoever for the comfort of others who are not there hoping to be ogled.
I will be the first to speak out against prejudice and disrespect of older gentlemen, but they must also do their part and act as gentlemen.
Just warn you... but a lot of guys who are into asian men from my experience are really old guys... which probably is a great majority of your audience on this blog sadly... and who you may have offended...
Ian says - Far too many older men are basically sexual predators who regard younger Asian guys as little more than sex objects or someone to fulfil their fantasies. They are pests full stop. Thailand is full of them.
Then there are others who treat people decently, with respect and as human beings. As Eukolos says, like gentlemen. The trouble is, the second lot get tarred with the same brush as the first lot.
I was the first anonymous reply- you're right, I over-reacted. Thanks for the explanation.
I have a number of older friends and it upsets me when people stereotype older men as perverts, sexual predators, etc.
Anonymous (the original one...lol :-),
No problem at all. I do appreciate the feedback, because if my post bothered you, there's always the possibility that someone else was bothered as well, and your note gave me the opportunity to clarify (and hopefully avoid offense).
And it's always a good reminder to be cautious in how I choose my words. One of the dangers of blogging is that what we write is so immediate and publishing so instantaneous. Consequently, it is not generally practical to give our words the time and reflection that might help avoid some of these things.
But then again, that danger is also a blessing, because when a misunderstanding does occur, the opportunity to clarify is also immediate.
I think Ian's comment brings up a good point that I have been mulling over for a while, and hopefully I will have the time eventually to write out some thoughts I have about age and sexuality. But first I have to get through this week....
Wow...I cannot believe that Michael you have to go out of your way to defend yourself for your posting...But then again, Anon2 was right, majority (but not all) of non-Asians who like GAM are older (which the 60-something you mentioned in Scenario B may very well fit the description), so many readers for your blog (even though they are mainly here for the pictures not words) may felt offended...
But just say what you feel truthfully and do not feel worries whom you may offend...and again, it is great you went out of your way to clarify things.
Well, as you say, race/age/sexuality in gay community is really a big issue, especially for GAM and it deserves more discussion instead of being simply ignored. Many website your blog links to actually discusses these isues (like bathhouseblue.com). In fact, some are quite depressing. I personally feel extremely frustrated in this age/race issue (won't get into that here).
Yes, I can understand how you feel. Quite often there is someone staring at me in a gym when I take shower....and I'm not comfortable with that!
Wellesley,
Thanks for the support and comments!
I don't think I have mentioned my own ethnic background on this blog (perhaps I have, just don't recall), but ironically (considering what has been discussed here), I am a younger white guy who is often attracted to older Asian guys! :-)
I think that each of us (myself included) have certain places where we have been bruised by the hurtful actions of others, and if we perceive that someone has touched that "tender" spot, we react emotionally. It's normal and instinctive to guard ourselves when we are afraid of further hurt.
So, when someone reacts strongly to something I have said or written, when I know my motive has been good and not intentionally harmful, I do try to be patient, firmly but kindly explaining my position, but definitely trying to be understanding that each person's responses are shaped by his past experiences.
Oh, and one final note concerning the guy in the shower: my initial reaction was irritation, of course. However, that irritation is also mixed with some sympathy for someone who, in his later stage of life, is so lonely that he hopes to find companionship even in such a desperate way. It doesn't excuse his improper choice, but it does make me determined to treat others more kindly when I am going throughout my day, recognizing that each of us needs connection with others to survive.
well i am not old and not overweight and i am chinese , very hot blog u have!
Hi Michael:
Yes, I do know you are a GWM in your early 30s (and cute :>). I saw your picture before you removed it from this website and we did e-mail each other a few times by personal e-mails (maybe you forgot T_T ). Anyway, I did not know you are into older GAM. By older, you meant only a few years older, don't you? (Not GAM in their 50s or 60s...) Well, I'm in my mid-30s, so do the math...
Anyway, I said I feel frustrated because it seems only much older GWMs (50 to 100's) are pursuing while I prefer people around my age. I even tried to go out with older guys but it just didn't work (I believe some GAM here have the same experience with me). I had only 2 bf in the past 10 years (both are almost the same age as me). While I think I have a lo to offer, it seems getting a date is the most difficult first step...
Need to stop here before I get too bitter (like the guy at bathhouseblue.com).
Talking about bruise, by the way, ever heard of the song by Natasha Beddingfield?
"I bruise easily,
so be gentle when you handle me..."
Anonymous (the most recent one),
Thanks for the compliment! I'm pleased you have enjoyed the blog!
Wellesley,
Yes, I certainly remember you. Thanks for the compliment, and I definitely think the same of you...quite handsome (you're on my myspace friends still, I believe, though I'm not on there all that often).
I guess I have a pretty broad range in my tastes...I have gone on dates with guys from age 19-48, with ethnic backgrounds of every type (not just asian, believe it or not...lol :-). I guess I tend not to be too hung up about age or race, as long as the guy has a nice face (particularly expressive eyes and an often-used smile) and is kind and honest.
Age is an interesting thing in that regard. I often find the the older a guy gets, the more chance he has of either being very jaded or very kind. Hopefully we all choose the latter!
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